Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
