Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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