my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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