I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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