Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
