You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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