Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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