so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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