dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
