I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
