Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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