I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
