I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
