So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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