We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
