There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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