Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
