So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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