A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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