If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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