I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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