Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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