So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
