fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
