Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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