just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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