i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
