just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
