So drunk its hurt
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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