Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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