Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
