So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
