Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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