She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
