I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
