so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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