If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
foreskin is a definite game changer
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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