He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Randomize