When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
