I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
