I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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