everyone is single if you try hard enough
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
