Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
