I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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