I hate all girls vehemently.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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