so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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