Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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