somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
