just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
