This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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