I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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