I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
