I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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