when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
