It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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