His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
