Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
