well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
