Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
