he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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