My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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