Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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