whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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