How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We smell like vodka and hangover
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