Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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