Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
