Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
