He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
