i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
