I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
