my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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